


Words Left Behind (that should have been said sooner)

by despairing_rage



Series: Painful Words [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Everyone Misses TommyInnit, Hurt No Comfort, Letters, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), This Is Sad, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27880129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/despairing_rage/pseuds/despairing_rage
Summary: Tommy is gone, and they only have letters and broken discs to remember him by.(Each chapter is a letter)
Relationships: TommyInnit & sadness
Series: Painful Words [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2045649
Comments: 141
Kudos: 1049
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. Tubbo

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter is a letter thats it (for each person in the tags)
> 
> As always, this is just their personas. This does not represent the actual content creator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short for a reason :)

~~Big T~~ Tubbo,

There isn't much to say. I know you’re planning to exile me and take my discs, so I decided I’d do you a favor and do it myself. All of the discs are broken. I snapped them in half ~~with my~~ ~~sheer strength.~~ I’ll also be long gone by the time you get this. Don’t bother looking. 

Don’t blame yourself too much for this. Unless you want to... Whatever. ~~Fuck off.~~

Tommy

~~PS. I wasn't lying when I said those discs were all I had left of better times.~~

* * *

Tubbo's choked protests of "I wasn't going to exile you!" and "how would I have known?!" would forever be lost in the wind, never to be heard by Tommy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I barely edited this, if you couldn't tell


	2. Wilbur

Ghostbur,

I don’t know where to start with this, or what I’m even going to say. The main gist here is that I'm leaving and not coming back. I would leave it there, but that doesn't seem right so whatever. I don't know what else to say though. I’m not about to be all ‘you mentally tortured me and blew up everything after you went batshit insane’... even though that’s what ~~you~~ past-Wilbur did. 

I guess that’s why I find it kinda ironic that you’re the only one who might miss me. In all honesty though, I think that’s because you don’t remember much. If you did, you’d remember all the problems I caused for everyone. ~~Even though that'd be real rich coming from you~~ You’d hate me again.

Is it bad that it doesn’t matter much to me? ~~Obviously I don’t want to go back to living in the ravine with you planning to blow shit up and losing your sanity~~ I miss the way things used to be. The way _you_ used to be. I mean, yeah, you were pretty shit, but at least you remembered. 

You remembered the first war, how proud we and determined we all were. You remembered the good times all of us had. ~~You even remembered the Antarctic Empire.~~

I know it’s pretty selfish to wish you’d remember stuff again. But I think that deep down I’ve always been selfish. It all comes back to the stupid discs. 

I finally broke the fuckers in half, by the way. I don’t need them anymore. Yeah, they ~~are~~ were pretty much the only thing I had left, but whatever. ~~Big strong men like me~~ I don’t need any ~~worthless~~ sentimental items. 

...

I think the purpose of this letter has escaped me, so I’ll summarize for you (since I know you aren’t going to read the whole thing). 

Basically, I’m a shit person and wish you’d remember all the good memories fucked up shit ~~you~~ past-Wilbur did, even though you’d hate me again. You should anyways, but for some reason you at least pretend that you don’t.

**(^ Summary for you)**

Goodbye. I would say 'see you soon', but I sincerely hope I never see any of you again. ~~Nothing personal~~ don't blame yourself.

Tommy

PS. Since you aren’t going to read the full thing, I decided to make it easy for you to skip over it. Check the second to last paragraph for a summary. I even put an arrow showing you where it is so you don't have to look for it. 

* * *

Wilbur felt cold tears running down his cheeks as he read the letter over and over again. Even though he didn't remember much, as Tommy lamented, he remembered enough to know that this wasn't the Tommy that he or anyone else knew. 

That letter was the ramblings of a truly broken man. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Editing? me? nah


	3. Phil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one physically hurt me

~~Big man Phil~~ Dad,

This is goodbye. I guess I feel kinda bad, you know, since I left you before and all… but whatever. This time you and I both know it’s what I had to do. They were going to exile me! ~~It’s because~~ ~~I fucking ruined everything just like I always do~~ Tubbo ~~finally~~ got tired of me. It makes sense, but ~~was still kinda a bitch move~~ it still ~~hurt~~ felt like shit. 

I think breaking my discs might have been out of spite. Oh yeah, I may have forgotten to mention that. I snapped the damned pieces of junk. Even left them on ~~Big T~~ Tubbo’s desk… Anyways, that’s why ~~I think that~~ I ~~might be~~ am a spiteful bastard. I wasn’t thinking very rationally when I broke them… but then again, it’s not like ~~anyone thinks~~ I ever do. You know that first hand, don’t you big man? But back to what I was saying, I don’t know if I regret what I did. I rather liked them.. But ~~big strong men like me~~ I don’t need stupid shit like that. So it’s fine. I’m better off without them. 

Since I know you’re going to freak out reading this letter, I’ll try to soften the blow a bit and be somewhat positive. Which isn’t something I bothered with for pretty much anyone else. I’m a bit too lazy to do much right now, so I’ll list some good stuff or something. 

-You are a pretty good dad

-You’re cool I guess

-You were usually there for me

-Unlike most people, I’ll probably actually miss you

-You’re better than the other assholes

-You didn’t betray me ~~like everyone else~~ (other than killing Wilbur, but I don’t blame you ~~a lot~~ for that)

-If I ever see you again (unlikely), I probably won’t deck you on sight

That’s as much as I can do, so I’m just leaving it there. ~~Deal with it~~ Sorry. 

  
  


Tommy

PS. Don’t mention the contents of this letter to anyone. All this ~~happy~~ positive shit is ~~stupid~~ embarrassing. 

* * *

  
  


Phil screamed his throat raw, clutching the tear stained letter and frantically clawing at his chest. 

Everyone who heard his desperate howling knew that it was the sound of true, agonizing heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof


	4. Fundy

Fundy,

I’m leaving. 

I would just have left it there, but I have a lot of other shit I need want to say to you.

  
  


...

Do you remember the good memories we had together? All the times we laughed and smiled together? 

Yeah, me neither. You’re a jerk. 

  
  


I hated having to report to you every day. Most days I lied anyways. Even on the days I was partially honest, I faked my tone. I tried to sound just pissed off in a childish way. I mean, I was, but I exaggerated it in my writing. 

In reality, I was more than just annoyed. I was tired. Sick of it. Sick of my life. A life with no freedom, where nobody ~~respected me~~ gave a shit about my feelings me. I wasn’t expecting you to be an exception, and ~~to nobody's surprise~~ I was right. If anything, you were worse than the others. 

I heard what you would mutter under your breath when you thought nobody would hear it. 

‘He can’t be trusted with anything’. 

‘He’s just going to cause trouble’. 

‘Who knows what he’s up to’. 

That ~~fucking hurt~~ was a shitty thing to do. ~~I get that I deserve it, but my point still stands~~. I still had a little bit of trust left in you before you said that. What a stupid thing for me to do. I should have known better. 

The pattern of me trusting the wrong people has been pretty strong. Yeah, you didn’t betray me in the same way the Techno and Wilbur did. But in the end, you weren’t really that different. You only pretended to give two fucks about me. You only kept me around with the hopes that I could be useful to you. News flash, I’m not. I don’t have shit to give you. Even if I did I wouldn’t. 

~~… I think that maybe I’m being too harsh in this letter~~. I hope you know that I mean it when I say I ~~don’t think I’ll~~ won’t be missing you. 

  
  


Tommy

  
PS. This isn’t to say that you’ve always been completely terrible. ~~I still remember the first war and all.~~ I just want you to know that you’ve either changed or shown your true colors. ~~Either way fuck you.~~

* * *

Fundy ignored the burning in his chest and the tightness in his lungs as he held the letter tightly enough to crumple it. Even if his throat wasn't completely closed up, he wouldn't have been able to force out the words that should have already been said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop


	5. Ranboo

Ranboo,

Well, this situation sucks. I barely even know you and I’m already saying goodbye. ~~I guess~~ I don’t ~~really~~ have a choice though. ~~They~~ Tubbo was going to exile me, and there’s no way I’d just let that happen. So I’m leaving before they can exile me. ~~Take that~~. Maybe a little dumb, but whatever. 

Unlike everyone else, you haven’t betrayed me or left. ~~Not yet anyways.~~ I appreciate that I guess. Then again, it’s not like you had much time to do that. ~~I’m sure you would have eventually.~~

Since ~~you haven’t backstabbed me~~ I don't really know you, I’ll be somewhat nice here. Try to list the good shit or whatever. Be appreciative, you’re one of three people I did this for. (no, I’m not telling you who the other people are... ~~if anyone else tells you the contents of their letters, feel free to throw hands~~ )

-In the time we’ve known each other you were very pretty cool

-I had fun ~~burning~~ robbing George’s house with you (you're also the only other person who knows what actually happened, so that's ~~pog~~ one good thing.)

-You have a good sense of humor

-You didn’t ~~directly~~ do anything to hurt me

That’s as good as I can do. Whatever. 

Don’t blame yourself too much for this. That is not a request, that is an order. Keep in mind how shitty everyone else was to me. Especially by comparison. ~~I know it was deserved, but still fuck them.~~

Bye.

Tommy

  
~~PS. Ignore the splotches of water... Don't think to hard about it.~~

* * *

Ranboo's tears dripped onto the page as he held back choked sobs. All he could think was _I should have done better..._ but he knew that there is no way to change the past.

There was no way to redeem himself, and certainly no way to help Tommy anymore. He just had to accept it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big yikes man


	6. Niki

Niki,

This is goodbye... I don’t really have all the words I need to say I guess. ~~I think~~ I’ll miss you. ~~Probably.~~

You are the only person I still think I can trust. ~~To some extent.~~ If I could guarantee that you wouldn’t tell anyone else I’d give you my destination… but I know you would. Which makes sense. You’ve always been ~~overly~~ worried about my safety or whatever. So of course you’d want to find me. 

I appreciate the sentiment, but we both know ~~I don’t want to~~ can’t be found. Not unless I want my former friends to shove crossbows in my face. Now that I think about it, I’d probably just be shot on sight. ~~Which is understandable.~~

  
  


I have so many things I want to say to you… I just can’t think of them right now. I just… I’m too tired. ~~So so tired...~~ I guess I’ll just tell you what’s on my mind. Unlike the others, I’m going to actually ~~put in effort~~ go into detail rather than just listing shit. 

  
  


I can’t even begin to tell you all of the things you’ve done for me. Maybe you remember… either way, I’ll just tell you some stuff or whatever. 

You are the kindest person I’ve ever met. You are sweet and caring, you are always there to offer support. ~~Although I guess you won’t be able to anymore.~~ You’re the only person who I have good memories with that hasn't been ruined. I remember you leaving me cakes and pies, or leaving them out (intentionally) so I could take some. You’d comfort me when I was down, but knew when to leave me alone. You are so in touch with emotions, and always know what to do and how to do it. 

I’ll miss you. A lot. I’ll miss your kind smiles and gentle laughs. I’ll miss your bakery and everything you know how to make. I’ll miss the way you hug me whenever I need someone there, ~~even~~ especially when ~~my family~~ everyone is gone.

You haven’t wronged me. You haven’t betrayed me or left, and I honestly can’t imagine you ever doing that. ~~Maybe that doesn’t mean a lot, since I used to trust my family… but still.~~ I think that you’re forgiving enough to move on from my many mistakes, but not trying to ignore them. ~~That’s a quality only you have~~. 

This is getting way too sappy, and I don’t think you want that. ~~I certainly don’t.~~ So I’ll end it here. I’m not expecting you to be particularly happy about this letter, but maybe it’ll make you feel better if I let you know that this was by far the nicest letter I wrote… can’t say I’m expecting you to be that grateful, but shhh. 

Tommy

  
PS. ~~Don’t share the contents of this letter~~ I’m sorry.

* * *

Niki collapsed, broken tears streaming down her red, blotchy face. She dug her broken nails into her aching shoulder, and for the first time she didn't care who saw her breaking down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this hurt a bit tbh
> 
> This was written quickly and not well edited, so please point out any mistakes,,,,
> 
> (edit: I literally just realized I forgot to add her reaction at the end, thats an oof right there)


	7. Techno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating twice in one day? Dang. What is wrong with me...?

Techno,

Honestly fuck you. I thought I could trust you. I should’ve known better.  ~~ I know it’s my fault ~~ I know that I deserved it after establishing a government and all… but still. I would say I can’t believe you would do that to  me us… but looking back I should’ve expected it. 

You were right about the government. I mean, obviously still fuck you, but I’ve  ~~ finally ~~ started to see your side. I guess I wished I didn’t have to experience it first hand. It sucks that it tore Tubbo and I apart. My  ~~ former ~~ best friend. Even still, summoning those withers was such a bitch move. 

  
  


‘Heros don’t get a happy ending.’ I guess you were right about that too. Except in this situation, I think that you’re the ‘hero’ that doesn’t get a happy ending. Unless you end up not missing me.  ~~ Which is honestly pretty likely… but fuck off. Whatever. ~~

I don’t think I’m a hero. I don’t think I ever was. After all, if I was really a hero I wouldn’t have been exiled. I wouldn’t have broken my discs out of spite. (I forgot to mention this, but I snapped  the ~~useless pieces of shit~~ them in half.) Heroes don’t ruin everything and cause wars. So I don’t think I’m a hero. 

  
Still, I guess I didn’t get a happy ending after all. Don’t tell anyone this, but if I’m being honest I don’t want to run away. I just want things to be happy again.  ~~ And I know that can’t happen with me there. ~~ I guess that this is still mostly for me though. I can’t stand the  ~~ thought ~~ knowledge that  ~~ almost ~~ nobody ~~r~~ ~~ eally ~~ cares about me. I can count the people who care on one hand... and I don’t think you are one of them. I also just don't want to deal with anyone anymore... I don't think they want to deal with me either. 

Even if you do give a shit, I don’t care. I won’t forgive you. You took my already shattered trust and stomped on it. Yeah, I’m starting to get where you’re coming from, but I don’t give two fucks about that. 

  
  


… You know, I used to look up to you. You  ~~ are ~~ were my big brother! I remember wanting to be you so badly. You are so skilled and determined, nobody stands a chance against you in combat…

That’s something I’ve known since I met you, but pretended I didn’t remember. I told myself that I would never be on the receiving end of your wrath. I guess I was wrong. At least you didn’t go full-out against me.  ~~ I have no doubt you would have killed me.  ~~

  
  
  


I don’t know if I feel bad about this, but you are the person I really, really hope I don’t see again. I’m only a little afraid to admit that I’m scared of you now. I think that it's kinda sad, but it's the truth. I'm hoping that I won’t be in a few years, but for now I am... When I try to sleep I hear your voice echoing in my mind. ‘You want to be a hero Tommy? Then die like one!’ I can’t sleep with the knowledge that you could be looking for me. I try to just block it out. Please, don’t try to find me.  ~~ I’m begging you, ~~ just leave me alone. 

…

Damn, this letter has gotten long. I think. Maybe not… but it certainly feels like it. My hand is starting to hurt, considering I’ve been writing letters for who knows how long now. So I’ll end it here. I have another letter to write. ~~So whatever.~~ ~~ You’ve probably gotten tired of reading this anyways. ~~

Tommy

  
PS. I hope this letter was delivered to you quickly. If you are reading this and are not Techno… go fuck yourself. 

* * *

Techno, always stoic and strong, felt himself break as his eyes focuses on the smudged paper. Over and over he read it, his mind stuck on the lines "You ~~are~~ **were** my big brother!" and "I'm only a little afraid to admit that I'm scared of you now." 

For the first time since he was a child, his composure broke. He cried harder than he ever had, powerless to stop the heartbroken tears from running down his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone want me to add more people? As in does anyone want Tommy to write more letters??? Right now there's only one left but idk if I should write more???


	8. Eret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I did try really hard with this one

~~ Eret ~~ Fucking Traitor,

  
  


Before you backstabbed  me us, I looked up to you. I would even say I admired you. Yeah, I thought you were really fucking cool.  ~~ Thank god I’ve realized that I was wrong ~~ Too bad it took your fucking betrayal to show me the truth. 

Now, I bet that you’re thinking something along the lines of ‘why the fuck is he bringing up the past?’ Well, let me tell you something. Your words, “It was never meant to be”, haunts me. Every time I try to sleep, all I hear is those words. Do I blame you? ~~Fucking obviously~~. At least you aren’t Wilbur. Did I ever mention that? The last words alive-Wilbur said before destroying everything? He said the same thing. ‘It was never meant to be.’ 

... I find myself thinking about how things would be different if you hadn’t back-stabbed us. Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to leave like this, maybe you’d never be reading this stupid letter.  Maybe  Tubbo and I would still be friends, and  ~~ we ~~ I could ~~just~~ be happy  ~~for once~~. Then again, I guess it isn’t fair to blame you for everything.  ~~Probably~~. I don’t think you could ever have seen this happening. 

Still, those words echo in my mind. I look at  ~~ Wilbur ~~ Ghostbur and I hear his insane ramblings in the ravine. I see you and I’m brought back to the moment my trust in you broke. Lately, it’s only been getting worse.  ~~ So much worse. ~~ It’s gotten to the point where the words ~~that~~ ~~ have been hurting me ~~ I hate have become a constant in my fucked up thoughts. 

... You know, I was originally going to be nice-ish in this letter. Try to make you feel a little better. In all honesty, I can’t be bothered to try. How could I? I’m not saying that you’re the  only reason everything has gone to shit. I’m just saying that you fucked ~~me~~ us up. Maybe if you hadn’t betrayed  me us I could have been able to write about the good things. But that isn’t what happened. I don’t even give a fuck if you regret it. What’s done is done…  ~~ Maybe I should stop blaming you so much, considering everything is my fault.  ~~

I feel like I should have mentioned this sooner, but I’m pissed off so give me a break. I’m leaving. Running away. I know I’m going to be exiled. So I decided to leave, give everyone a big ‘fuck you’. 

Now that I’ve written this letter, I think that I’ve realized something. You were right.  Not in betraying us, obviously. 

I guess it was never meant to be after all. 

  
  


Tommy

  
PS. I won’t be missing you.

* * *

Eret felt his eyes burning tears as he read the letter, scorching his face as the fell. He couldn't even wipe them from his eyes. All he could do was feel the regret in that had lingered in the back of his mind grow and grow, until it overpowered his thoughts. 

With his own words echoing in his mind and banging at his skull, he fell to the ground and screamed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha what do you mean this is bad? 
> 
> ... you're right but shhhh


	9. Sam

Sam,

~~I don’t know what to say here, if I’m being honest. Normally I would just complain about whatever came to mind, but I guess that doesn’t really feel right.~~

Remember when you told me that you would help me if I got exiled? I do. I think you were lying, but it’s nice to imagine that you would help if you knew where I went. 

Oh yeah, I’m leaving this letter because I’m leaving. I’d rather leave on my own terms than on ~~Tubbo~~ Dream’s, you know? But back to what I was saying. 

Maybe if I stayed around long enough to be exiled you would have ~~actually done something~~ been able to ~~do something~~ help me. I would say that actions speak louder than words, but I guess there isn’t much you can do now. I don’t blame you for that ~~,~~ ~~considering it’s all my fault.~~

  
  


Even after everything, I still think you’re cool. ~~I wouldn’t say I admire you, but sometimes I wish I could be more like you.~~ I appreciate you saying that you’d try to help me. Even though it’s probably a lie. Your builds are impressive as hell. You’re also usually calm and understanding.

I do wish we could have been closer. It’s too late for that now though. ~~Whatever.~~

  
  


I don’t know for sure if I’ll miss you. I think I probably will. More so than most other people. I know that you and I weren’t that close. Still, I am pretty sure I’ll miss you ~~at least a little.~~ Maybe I just miss the opportunity I had... I hope that I’m not ~~that selfish~~ just missing you based on that, ~~but I really don’t know~~ ~~anymore.~~

  
  


I’m sorry that this is short. I really have no words at this point. I feel like shit about it, but there isn’t much I can do. ~~I hope you understand.~~

  
  


Tommy

  
  
~~PS. If I ever decide to get in touch with anyone again, it’d probably be you.~~

* * *

Sam held the letter with trembling hands, crumpling the paper as the shakily drawn words glared at him. With a voice just above a whisper, he said "I'm so sorry Tommy, I should- I should have done more..." 

With everybody in their own grief, his apology went unheard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof


	10. Quackity

~~Quackity~~ Big Q,

I’m leaving. Running away. I snapped my fucking discs and now I have to say am saying goodbye. 

I hope you don’t think this is your fault. Because it isn’t really. ~~You were sometimes a dick to me in the past~~ You haven’t really betrayed me done anything to me. So I guess that’s pog. 

  
  


If it makes you feel any better, I will miss you. You’re funny, you know how to make people laugh. ~~Sometimes I wish I could be like that.~~ Most people try to help others feel better by being encouraging or some shit, but you try to make them laugh. I don’t know about anyone else, but for me thats a lot better than stupid pity points. 

~~I’m not being selfish by saying I’ll miss your sense of humor… right?~~

There isn’t much for me to say here. I’m sorry that it’s come to this. ~~I don’t know if you’ll miss me at all~~ I’ll miss you. 

I guess I do have one thing to ask for though. Don’t let this get you down. Keep your head up high and keep making jokes. It’ll be ok, ~~you’ll move on in no time.~~

Tommy

* * *

Quackity stared with wide eyes at the paper, reading it over and over. His mind couldn't catch up to his racing heart, and all the only thing he knew was the smudged ink and messy words glaring back at him. 

He so desperately wanted to promise that he would be ok. But he didn't want to be a liar too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man, i wish i could word good


	11. Sapnap

~~ Sapnap ~~ Pet killer, 

I’m leaving before being exiled. That’s all you get to know.  ~~ You’ll hear it from everyone else anyways. ~~

The main thing I have to say is fuck you man. I won’t be missing you. In fact, I’ll be quite happy to never see you again.  ~~ At least ~~ ~~you finally won’t be able to kill my pets.~~

I could lie to you and say that there are good things that I remember. But considering that there aren’t, there isn’t much else to write. 

It’s unfair that you always got away with shit that would have gotten me exiled sooner. I wish I could have received the same treatment. 

Anyways, leave me (and my pets  ~~ if I have any ~~ ) the fuck alone. 

Tommy

  
  
~~PS. ~~I~~ don’t know why Dream likes you at all.~~

* * *

Sapnap clenched his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palm. Knowing that Tommy was right when saying it was his fault hurt like hell.

It didn't come close to the burning pain of knowing there was blood on his hands. 


	12. Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, this one was actually a struggle to write :/

Dream,

I fucking hate you. 

Leave me the fuck alone you piece of shit. Go die. 

  
  


Tommy

* * *

Dream couldn't decide if he was upset or not. The Dreamon part of him was cheering for finally breaking him... but Dream himself felt guilt and regret creeping in. 

Good thing his mask didn't let anyone see his silent tears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING THIS STORY!!!!!!!!! THIS IS HONESTLY MY BEST ONE, I AM SO PROUD OF IT AND I AM SO THANKFUL THAT PEOPLE LIKED IT ENOUGH TO READ THE WHOLE THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Twitter:  
> https://twitter.com/despairing_rage
> 
> Tumblr:  
> https://despairing-rage.tumblr.com/  
> https://let-me-be-cryptid.tumblr.com/
> 
> My new discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/v9BRtNQY8g


End file.
